Anxiety

I promised an anxiety post a while back so here it is. Please excuse me if I go off on a tangent because this is something that I am passionate about.

First off, generalized anxiety disorder is an invisible illness. There's been a lot of things circulating lately on Facebook trying to raise awareness for invisible illnesses and that makes me super excited. The word needs to get out that you never know what the person beside you is dealing with and what their inner struggle is like.

generalized anxiety disorder is defined by Webster as "an anxiety disorder marked by chronic excessive anxiety and worry that is difficult to control, causes distress or impairment in daily functioning, and is accompanied by three or more associated symptoms (as restlessness, irritability, poor concentration, and sleep disturbances)"

For the people who have asked me "well what happens if you try to do things that make you freak out?" I feel like that definition alone should explain it all but I know that it doesn't because my anxiety cannot be bundled into a single definition.

Looking back, I know that I have had this disorder for almost my entire life. I was the child who worried about everything. My mom says that teaching me to read and write was torture. I do remember how upset I was every night when we were learning cursive because I was left-handed and we watched videos of right-handed people writing the letters.

I didn't like to talk to people. I still have issues with calling people I don't know or having to have normal conversations.

I wasn't truly diagnosed with anxiety until I was 18 years old. I started having panic attacks in crowds or when I had a huge task to perform. 

Anxiety is a hard thing to live with. It is something I work on every single day from the time I wake up until I go to bed at night and it will be that way for the rest of my life. 

When we got married, my anxiety was the hardest thing for Stuart to adjust to. For someone who has never experienced it or been close to someone who has it, it is a very hard thing to comprehend. I tend to come off as rude or I just don't want to do something. That's the hardest part for me. I would never be rude intentionally; That's just my anxiety.

Anxiety has a way of driving a wedge in relationships. Stuart and I have gone round and round over this. I don't want to come out and say "Hi my name's Meghan and I have anxiety" every time I meet someone but at what point does it get so much in the way that you have to say something?

I hope this gives some insight into anxiety and hopefully people will think twice before judging people and assuming that we're all just rude and standoffish :)